Lars the Real Weirdo

Lars and the Real Girl

Supposed Premise: Lars, a 27-year-old who lives in the garage of the house he grew up in, has some serious mental issues. His mother died giving birth to him, breaking his father’s heart and leaving ole Daddy silent and sad for the rest of his life. Lars’s older brother is married (and gets to live in the big house!) and his wife is newly pregnant, leading to Lars to have a nasty break-up with reality. His new relationship is with a full size woman doll (anatomically correct!) Will he and Bianca live happily ever after, or will she, like his mother, die tragically? (See right: Lars and Bianca share a romantic meal together, wherein Lars cuts her meat. And no, that is not an euphemism.)

Excellent Casting: What could be creepy and awkward (a man dating a sex doll) is endearing and sad, thanks to the fantastic work of Ryan Gosling. Man, has this guy come a long way from The Notebook. (Of course, some might think he has regressed, given the fact he got to make out with Rachel McAdams in that movie, as opposed to a doll. But she’s very lifelike! And she’s from the Bahamas!) If you are socially awkward and feel like taking a leaf out of Lars' book you can buy a real doll too, but if you want people to treat her like a human we would choose a less stripper name. Come on. Bianca? (See left: How could you say no to that face?)

Emily Mortimer as Caring Sister-in-law: Emily Mortimer’s character is the first to accept and treat the doll as human, leading the rest of the small town to do the same. Eventually, Bianca the doll has a more active social life than Lars – she “models” at a hair salon three times a week, volunteers at the children’s hospital, and gets elected to the School Board. It’s always the quiet ones who surprise you…. (See Right. How does you properly greet a doll? Sit on your hands to avoid running from the room screaming.)

Heart-Melting Scene: Who can resist a man who gives CPR and mouth-to-mouth to a teddy bear who has been cruelly hung by a coworker? Not this reviewer, who would totally have dated Lars afterward, despite the whole mentally-unstable, dates-a-doll thing. We’ve all got our problems, man.

Hair Watch: Ryan Gosling’s mustache was a little too child-molester for us, especially considering the fact that he is crazy. His hair was a little on the dirty side as well, but he is playing a psycho. They don’t shower frequently. (Compare Left vs. Right. One is icky, the other is cute)

Wardrobe: Bianca’s: Classy, yet comfortable. Everyone else’s: So. Many. Layers. Why do people live in Wisconsin, again? Yee-ikes.

Conclusion: We’d pay actual full price to see this movie. Of course, we didn’t, but we would if ever given the opportunity!